Firstborn children and other myths

We've all read the statistics.

Seen the data.

Watched the 'specials' on telly.

All about 1st born children & their many advantages.

How they are smarter, taller, prettier, faster, able to jump tall buildings in a single bound, stronger than a silent 'e'...

How they have the advantage in the family dynamic & we, as parents, spent more time & put more energy into them...

I don't believe any of it for a second.

I feel sorry for firstborn children.

Especially my firstborn child.

They are guinea pigs.

Experimental children.

We have no idea AT ALL what we are doing  with them.

We don't know how to feed them or dress them or discipline them or educate them.

They are the ones we read all the books with. We listen to the 'experts' with. We believe all the magazine articles with.

We flounder through their lives.

What should they be allowed to watch on TV & for how long? Do we spank? Do we use *time out* ? Do we ground them? Do they get an allowance? What chores are appropriate & at what age? When should they be allowed to do this? Or that? Or the other thing?

By the 2nd or 3rd child, we usually have a few things figured out. We have a pattern. A plan. Files full of data on what *didn't* work the first time (oops).

We are getting our groove thing on.

But that poor innocent firstborn? By now they are a neurotic mess & it is ALL OUR FAULT.

We have ruined them forever.

Sigh.

Parenting is not for the faint of heart.

Now, for the record, most  firstborn children turn out just fine. They overcome our mistakes & go on with their lives. They may even thrive & continue to carry out the fallacy that firstborns are overachievers & perfectionists.

The truth is they are survivors.

White lab rats that escaped & made their way to freedom.

And, if they are good children, they may not even hold it against you.

But we still know.

We still look back & remember. And cringe.

And shake our heads in horror & ask *WHAT were we thinking?* 

And maybe, just maybe, call or text a quick *I love you* to our firstborn child which is, in fact, the cowards way of saying "I am really sorry you were my experimental child & I hope you don't actually remember all of the mistakes & dumb things I said & did & I really really do love you & I am so happy you turned out *normal* despite me...."

Or maybe that's just me...

Blessings.